Hey, guys! Guys! Remember when I had a blog?
Recently I came across a relationship advice blog, wherein the ’columnist’ clearly wrote his own questions, and I thought to myself, “Hey, that’s fun! I would like to tell non-existent people what to do with their lives in order to feel better about myself, too!”
Here’s one from Dianna in Tulsa:
Dear Kate,
I am in search of a new career and the other day it hit me. I should combine my talents and become an exotic dancer who incorporates cooking into her show. My husband has always been very supportive and encouraging but not in this case. He says that I should pursue other opportunities. I don’t quite understand his point of view because he LOVES when I dance for him and he also always goes back for seconds (even thirds!) when I cook. I know I would be successful! How do I tell him that I’m going to go against his advice but I still respect and trust him?
Dianna
Tulsa, OK
Dianna,
REACH FOR THE STARS. This is classic male behavior. Your husband is threatened by your gifts and motivation. He clearly wants to stifle you in order to avoid feeling inferior. Tell him that he can’t hold you back and longer and that the world’s needs are more important than his. Your dream is fool-proof. I’ve been saying for years that exotic dance and the culinary arts would make an incredible fusion. The universe is begging you to do this, Dianna. If your husband loves you, he will be happy to be married to the century’s greatest pioneer.
All the best,
Kate
See? I forgot.
Here is movie Wednesday. Okay, music video Wednesday.
This is Randy’s and my song:
This is my friend Matt’s music video for MPLS’ Pride weekend:
Lastly, some Grace Jones. Good for any day.
Reasons You Will Love or Hate Me but Probably Hate
1. Today at work I created two Pandora stations: Bryan Adams and Justin Bieber. For a very long time I tried to hide my sparkly pink love for pop music but in recent years I’ve lost the energy to care. I will frequently sing to my boyfriend about Shorty being a melody in my head. I forced said boyfriend to download Bieber’s movie after seeing it in the theater with my 35-year-old sister.
2. However, I will harshly judge you for listing Nickleback, Train, Fall Out Boy or whatever else I deem as pure shit as your favorite band. I realize that makes me a terrible person and I guess that’s okay.
3. One of my favorite pastimes is telling people they’re wrong. Perhaps the most enjoyable forum for this is editing. Improperly placed apostrophe? My red pen/Microsoft Word tracking of changes will school you! And I will never forget how stupid you are for always doing your laundry on “Tuesday’s!”
4. I was a musical theater person. I am constantly missing the stage and this is evident in the melodramatic conversations I have with my boyfriend and parents. Some people are born (or in my case, bought) needing lots and lots of attention and I am one of them. I blame my parents for Rogers and Hammerstein overload. I also blame our kitchen stove for being a height-appropriate, reflective area for me to watch my amazing dance moves as a kid. The need to perform runs deep and I am fascinated by the fact that I am not in sales.
5. Little bulbous things in clusters make me nauseated. I cannot better explain this without providing a picture and that is something I am absolutely unwilling to do. Think of the batches of brownish-orange mushrooms on your lawn. Or cell reproduction.
6. I have a very hard time asking for help in stores and calling places about their hours, availability of products and locations. And now that I don’t have to talk to new boys anymore (because I own one), this is the only area of my life where I am shy. Sometimes friends force me to get over it and ask that kid in the Polo shirt where the Magic Markers are. But I usually just whine for a really long time until someone does it for me. Or if I’m alone, I’ll roam around for hours crying.
7. Top Fives are my favorite! Let’s make some! Here’s a sample:
Top 5 Breakfast Cereals
- Cheerios
- Honey Nut Cheerios
- Cracklin’ Oat Bran
- Kix
- Frosted Flakes
8. I’m not great at being alone. But if I am, I am most likely distracting myself by talking on the phone, texting, or sacrificing my soul to social media. Okay, or napping.
9. I am pretty sure Mercer Mayers’ children’s book I Just Forgot is about me.
Two Christmases ago, I left my tiny purse on top of the car and found it in a snow bank (on the freeway) a few hours later. A few years earlier, the exact same thing happened with my wallet. So, yes, I am the most scatterbrained person you will ever meet. But I am also extremely lucky.
10. I am the Korean kind of yellow person but I am bad at it. My parents bought me when I was three months old and I grew up in the country so I’m basically white. I cannot use chopsticks, play a stringed instrument or eat spicy foods. I did not go to Korean Culture Camp and my feet are average-sized. I am a terrible driver, though.
Brand New!
Not these guys:
Because that’s almost reason to put a gun in my mouth.
But rather a brand new blog. (Is it wrong that I feel a certain amount of shame and embarrassment whenever I use the word ‘blog’ seriously?)
I have started a stupid amount of stupid blogs. I am currently in my late twenties and am therefore a completely repulsive narcissist.
I will projectile e-vomit all over you, internet.
Brace yourselves.
